Jay: Signs of the Apocalypse

Well the Mayans were very wrong.  I don’t think Dec. 21 2012 is the right date, it has to be sooner.  So stock up on canned goods, tape the windows, seal the doors because the END IS NEAR.  What has made me this hysteric you ask?  What has made a somewhat level-headed man completely ready to go into hiding?  Well I believe I have seen three signs of a sure End of Days!!!!! 

#1: My god, Rachel Ray is a terrorist.  I always had a hunch, no one is that chipper all the time, always thought it was kind of a rouse.  What better way for a terrrist to hide but doing thirty-five TV shows a week and have your face plastered all over the place.  Ever wonder why she would do all those road shows for the Food Network.  Right, see and eat in D.C. for $50/day, I think someone was doing a little recon!!!  Thankfully though, we have the well-balanced and fair Fox News Channel to call her out!!!  Maybe I’ll safer now once she is locked up at Guantanamo.

#2: Another sign came to light this morning.  A certain middle aged evening anchor who may or may not have a blog on our website and who may or may not once sported a sweet stash has a Facebook account.  I was literally knocked to the ground(Maybe I tripped) but holy cow!!!  There has been a lot of prodding form my friends and colleagues to sign up, telling me “its the cool thing to do”  but I have held out.  I never thought I needed anything more then email or a phone to keep in contact with friends.  I am honestly questioning my existence at this point over this revelation.

#3:  My boss has a blackberry.  This is a man who still drives a mid 90’s sedan.  This is a man who is pretty locked in his ways.  He swore that he would never have a cellphone, never mind a crackberry.  He was even using it!!!!  I figured, OK it was assigned by the station to him, but I’d never figure it would be turned on, let alone checking emails.  Okay, now I’m hiding under my desk in the fetal position  Just tell me when its safe to come out!!!!

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One Response to “Jay: Signs of the Apocalypse”

  1. Jay's Mom Says:

    You forgot another sign. A certain former press secretary, who supported his boss with particular fervor, says he was duped. I think this, coupled with Rachel Ray, is enough proof that the end is near. Any room under that desk?

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